Connecting with the audience

3 good reasons why poor public speakers won’t get laid

I know that getting laid is not the only measure of success, but it’s translatable for everyone isn’t it? Whether you want the doubtful charms of an audience member, or business for the long-term from a corporate client, it’s opportunities we want isn’t it? So as a metaphor, let’s use the ‘getting laid’ idea as a representation of any result that pleases you.

And let’s use ‘speaking’ to mean any opportunity that you have to advance a case, sell a product, build a relationship or leave an impression with another human being.

Human beings make shortcuts about people based on the information that they have available to them. We make sweeping generalizations, we make decisions, we infer lots of stuff about someone pretty instantly. That ability to ‘thin-slice’ is a human strength and a potential flaw, and it’s got a name.  Fundamental Attribution Error is the label it’s been given and for a longer explanation see here. So why don’t poor speakers tend to get laid?

  1. Poor speakers are poor, more often than not, because they fail to understand what the audience wants, and focusing on one’s own needs to the exclusion of the significant other(s) is not appealing really is it, whether in the workplace or elsewhere?
  2. Poor lovers seldom fail because of a lack ‘Equipment’ and mechanical knowledge, and speakers seldom fail to deliver because of their technical skill as a speaker. It’s more often to do with that ‘connection’ thing. Great speakers often tend to be really good at sensing the mood and responding to the moment whatever they’d hoped would happen in their planning.
  3. People will assume that the poor speakers lack confidence, sensitivity, empathy and many other things, and they’ll transfer those inferences to all areas of their life, including the bedroom.

So if someone’s a below average speaker, whatever they do, they’ll fail to make the most of the opportunities when they’re on their feet, which will lead to fewer opportunities lying down.  Or whatever it is you’re after.

The good news is, however, that if you’re just a bit more confident, engaging and memorable than the norm, you’ll stand out and people will think that that same stand out performance will transfer to other areas of life and love too.

So if you want choice in your life, career and bedroom, better learn how to stand out when you stand up to speak. Sign up here for more presentation skills advice.


Jim Harvey

Jim Harvey

Managing Director at The Message Business
Jim is the MD of The Message Business, a company which helps FTSE 100 companies to sell themselves, and their products better. Speech writer, Prezi trainer and designer, coach and consultant, Jim also finds time to be a proud father and husband.
Jim Harvey


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  2. Louise Tippey

    March 11, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Thnks for your amazing tips, advice. I am so with you re the dreaded and nauseiating corporate speak. Where on earth did it come from? Where did the abstract term “synergy” come from ? Why can’t people just say it like it is? It’s a bit like the word “play date” for a kid who is going to a friends after school. After all that’s what it is.
    I am giving a presentation soon. I do not intend on any playing “bullshit” bingo.
    Cheers Louise

    • Jim Harvey

      March 11, 2013 at 12:16 pm


      Thanks for the great comment. I hope the presentation goes brilliantly, and please keep in touch. It’s what makes writing a blog worthwhile. Regards Jim

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