Keeping in Touch

Making the most of conferences

Roger thought that he'd get through Dr Shitspreader's speech alive. But it was 15 minutes too much ZZZzzz

Conferences are hard work and can be sometimes a little soul destroying. Get the delegate list, identify your targets, book meetings, prepare for 2 days of squalid drudgery that comes to nought when you walk into the conference centre and decide that anything would be better than this and book into the spa for 2 days of colonic irrigation. But you’re a professional so you carry on as you’d planned and practice your coffee break patter and your teasing ‘glimpses of value’.

You do your duty to the boss and the bank, and during the course of the conference take every opportunity to reinforce the shallow and meaningless friendships you’ve made during greasy breakfasts, luke warm lunches and distinctly dodgy dinners.

Obviously it’s very different if you’re paying for your people to go. Then it’s all about structure and discipline. Get them to commit to getting clients there, set targets for handshakes, kisses, business cards and follow-up and measure the ROI for their damaged liver. I’m told that poachers often make the best gamekeepers.

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