Subtlety was not one of Tim's strengths as a communicator
In earlier posts here and here, we’ve looked at what we can do mentally to be ready to have impact when we meet people, and preparing physically, here we’ll look at conversational skills in making an impact and, and in later posts we’ll look at what we can do to maintain the impact we’ve created after meeting.
In your conversation
- Be genuinely interested in those around you. Find out who they are, what they do, where they live, what they like. It’s amazing how much a ‘stranger’ will tell a good listener, and it will always help you make a positive impression. For more on conversational skill, understand, ‘stroking and double-clicking‘.
- Pick up on the other person’s ‘conversational cues’. If they mention family, ask a little more; if they mention hobbies, ask about them. Be ‘led’ by your new friend and offer conversational ‘strokes’ to encourage them– ‘sounds fascinating, tell me more’.
- Listen and interrupt only to give them a ‘stroke’, or ask a deeper question.
- Take the time to remember people’s names, and use them when you say goodbye. But don’t overdo its use in the general conversation as it sometimes sounds fake.
- Make gentle and deliberate eye-contact as you chat, try noticing the colour of people’s eyes as you speak to them, it gives them the sense that you’re really listening to them and that’s so rare, they’ll notice and remember.
- Notice what people are wearing, how they wear their hair, their bags, watches, jewellery, and shoes, and say if you like stuff they’ve chosen to wear. People make careful choices about what to wear, and like gentle ‘strokes’ now and then, on the choices they made.
- Be thoughtful in what you wear. Be just a little smarter or more casual than the other people in the room. Remember that it’s generally poor etiquette to be much better or much worse dressed than your hosts. If in doubt ask for advice before the event.
